Thursday, December 18, 2008

#13 Garden Gnome Liberationists

Garden Gnome Liberationists (GGLs). Are you f@%$ing serious?


These "individuals" advocate the "freedom" of garden gnomes. Often times, GGLs will steal our beloved, friendly, bearded (see post #12 for more on facial hair) gnomes and move them to new locations.

Freedom? Bitch please. They're ceramic.

I guess we can all thank Travelocity for their creative advertising the next time one of our pointed-hat donning friends is plucked from his peaceful perch under the Bird Bath, next to the pink, plastic flamingo under the watchful eye of the Lawn Jockey, who just so happens to be admiring his bad self in the Mirrored Yard Globe.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

#12 Facial Hair

So, what it be?  Five-O'clock shadow? Fumanchu?  Handlebars?  Pornstache?  Goatee?  Chops?  Flavor saver? Half-and-half?

Who cares.   All we know is that it happens.   And if it isn't managed, it can become downright unrully.

Here's a chart to figure out which facial hair-scaping might look best on you:

Our friends at Wikipedia say that males should have fully developed facial hair by their early 20s. Looks like I'm behind that curve.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

#11 Euromotion

Zee sounds of zee Euromotion. It doesn't get much better. Euromotion is a Portland, OR-based, five-piece electro rock band. Skeeter, the band's lead vocalist, claims to come from the year 3012. According to the band's website: "Euromotion is the essence of dance...We play dance music and pump parties all across the space-time continuum. We want to make party at your house."

FKNA right they do! Just remember, zee dancefloor pays zee ultimate price.

Here's a look at their music video for 'Get Serious'....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

#10 The Naked Mole Rat


The Naked Mole Rat. There it is. Anyone ever in doubt of the relevance of the statement a picture is worth a thousand words should take a look at this beast.

Fantastic Notes:
  • The Naked Mole Rat is also known as a Sand Puppy.
  • It is unique among mammals in that it is virtually cold blooded.
  • When Naked Mole Rats are exposed to acid, they feel no pain due to the fact that they have no neurotransmitters in their outer skin.
  • It slightly resembles a penis.

#9 Randomness

It's been a while since a Wiki-Wha post has been done. We were sitting around the table this morning, randomly, and had a collective random thought of, "how random would it be to post on Wiki-Wha today?" Pretty random, right?

According to our friends over at the mothership, "Randomness is a lack of order, purpose, cause, or predictability. A random process is a repeating process whose outcomes follow no describable deterministic pattern, but follow a probability distribution." Like roulette, where he ball can be used as a source of apparent randomness, because its behavior is very sensitive to the initial conditions. Word.

Friday, February 29, 2008

#8 Leap Day

There are some events that are so um, well, eventful that we humans can only handle the unbridled excitement of such event once every four years: The World Cup, The Olympics, The Presidential Election and you guessed it, Leap Day.

Leap Day is special. Special enough that in some countries it is tradition that, only in leap years, may women make a proposal of marriage to men. So special that the legendary Ja Rule has blessed the day with his birth. So special that we shouldn't be required to work.

So stick it to the man, close that spreadsheet, send that final email blast, shut down your Dell and fuck it dude, let's go bowling.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

#7 Pomeranians

That yappy little bark, the pointed snout, the golden fluffy fur and that incessant tail wag. Ladies and gentleman--all the way from Germany, please give a warm round of applause to the Pomeranian.

...or a nice swift kick across the room.

Love 'em or hate 'em, like all lap dogs, that's about what it boils down to with the Pom, there's no in between. Whether your reading the next installment of the Babysitter's Club or watching your favorite episode of Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, you'll have a furry friend to joyfully play on your lap and give you the dreaded inner-ear lick.

The Pomeranian's not goin' anywhere soon folks, might as well enjoy the ride.

#6 Kool-Aid

Dane Cook said it best when Kool-Aid burst through the wall of his house and started screaming 'Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!' - "You're very top-heavy, Kool-Aid. One punch to the throat and I'll take you down."

With now over 110 flavors of this powdery drink mix available (throughout different parts of the world), your tastebuds can be satisfied by any color/flavor under the rainbow. Is there any other drink out there that comes in this many flavors? Would anyone care? W/E.

One thing Kool-Aid does have going for it is that the drink goes well with just about any type of food one might be in the mood for; especially fried chicken, rice and corn. True, Kool-Aid is the "poor man's" Gatorade, but according our friends at Wiki, any drink ending in 'ade' must contain actual fruit-juice. Again, W/E.

Cheers to you, Kool-Aid. OH YEAH!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

#5 Tetris

The original Nintendo, Game Boys, Cell Phones, Ipods, TI-83's, and nearly all electronic devices with a liquid-crystal-display share one thing in common...


Alexey Pajitnov is frankly a god. As creator of the world's favorite puzzle-video game, he is responsible for entertaining us in math class, at the auto-mechanic, and even while sitting on our snack-food-covered couch at home with his colorful designs and witty interpretations of the Nutcracker soundtrack.

Outside of maybe Sputnik and Vodka, Tetris is the best thing to come out of Mother Russia and we have one man to thank for that,
Alexey Pajitnov.

Thanks Alexey. If we ever meet up, the first round's on me.

#4 Snack Food

For some people, snacking is a fact of life - it's what they do. For others, it's unnecessary - they watch what they eat and eat when they have to, not when they want to. Snack Foods are found everywhere at the grocery store - tempting you with their colorful packaging, exciting illustrations and appetite-whetting names (i.e. Chex's 'Party Mix' - who doesn't want a party in their mouth?). It's important to note that there are healthier alternatives to calorie and sodium-loaded snacks - broccoli, carrots, apple slices - but what 9-year old wants to eat something that's actually good for him and isn't going to send him on a 4-hour sugar-high-rampage?

Granted, snacking is bound to happen, it's a fact of life; You're hungry, you want something to munch on, it's between meal times and you don't give a 'F' whether or not what you find and put in your mouth is actually good for you - instant gratification, and typically 'merican. The worst being when the person who may happen to be sharing a bed with you snacks on a crumbly snack food in the middle of the night leaving you to wake up in an itchy mess of their crumbs. Come on.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

#3 LeVar Burton

Levardis Robert Martyn Burton Jr.: Professionally known as LeVar Burton, is the hombre that brought you Reading Rainbow, Geordi La Forge (Star Trek:Next Generations) and we wouldn't forget Toby, errr Kunta Kinte, in the legendary PBS Miniseries Roots (based on the 1977 novel by Alex Haley).

To the man with big enough cajones to stick it to Captain Jean Luc-Picard-- thanks LeVar, for teaching us that reading is fun, how to engage warp speed, and just how awful those slave boats really were.

Get all the deets on LeVar's accolades by clicking this little guy.

#2 The Flux Capacitor

For those that know, Mr. Fusion and the hover conversion on the DeLorean time-machine in the 'Back to the Future' Trilogy didn't have anything on the Flux Capacitor. You want to travel back in time and fix that mistake you made? You want to travel into the future and make sure you don't turn out to be a pushover later in life? It's no problem with the Flux Capacitor.

All you need is a little how-to guidance from Dr. Emmett Brown himself plus the necessary 1.21 gigawatts needed to power the Flux Capacitor and you're set to go.

Monday, February 25, 2008

#1 Blogs


A blog (a portmanteau of web log) is a website where entries are commonly displayed in reverse chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Now I guess I have to blog about this. Well, that was stupid. Until next time.....

Dig a little deeper about blogs HERE.