#23 Chile Downhill Bike Race

We like bikes here @ Wiki-Wha?. No, that's not a question; if you're new to checking this site out, the question mark (?) is part of our title, not a mistake in punctuation. SoGtWthIt!

Back to us liking bikes, right, we absolutely LOVE bikes. Riding them uphill. And then downhill, FAST.

The below, on the other hand, is just crazy.

To the guy riding:

YOU'RE NUTS, YO!

#22 Family Village (?)

While slumming through the usual internet mish-mash of this and that's I came across this fun (read: stupid) little app that will soon be launching on Facebook. It's called Family Village and is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. SimCity was so 1997. Why in the world would anyone want to re-connect with ancestors virtually - bringing them into a world they don't/won't know with things that never existed back in their time? Seemingly, this is just someone's answer to wanting to play God - conning their avatar-ancestors into leading a life they didn't really lead.

"players import their ancestors into a “Sims”-styled virtual world where they can build homes, go to work and share experiences just like in real life."

Wow. Srsly? Why not go out and accomplish these things for real - in real life? "Import" anscestors? No. See. That's just not possible. Going back in time. Now that's possible, as evidenced in the Back to the Future trilogy; due in-part to Dr. Emmett Brown's invention, the almighyt Flux Capacitor. And no, Family Village has not yet made it to the archives of Wikipedia; more info on this time-suck can be found in this article, however.

#21 Fruit Flies

If I had to wish one thing on my mortal enemy it wouldn't be Swine Flu or watching the same episode of "I Love Lucy" for all eternity or even having to eat horse shit for a lifetime. Nope. None of the above. It would undoubtedly be having to co-habitate an office full of fruit flies.

We won't go into details about how, because that would lead to discussion of rotten bananas and office cleanliness. So we'll leave it at this, I have an office cohabitant. More like 50.

Experts say that fruit flies have a tremendously short life span. Just under a week is the typical life expectancy. They must fuck like rabbits cause we're going on a month now straight with these bastards buzzing about.

Fruit flies land on everything you don't want them to, your food, your drink, your nose. They buzz your eyeballs and crawl on your monitor. They're fast as hell, probably not capable of flying in a straight line, yet I'm damn proud to say I've killed five with my bare hands. You may not be impressed. Which is understandable. But for your sake, go ahead and check out the scale in the above photo. Yeah, these guys are small. And being able to see them is a feat alone.

I guess the most irritating fact about the fruit fly is that it's my fault they're cohabitating this office.

But a bunch of little bugs aren't gonna stop me from eating bananas.

That's what she said...

#20 Twitter

A couple things. For those of you that have been religiously following this blog, we are no longer limiting ourselves to content found explicitly on Wikipedia. We figure we shouldn't hold ourselves back, and we're sure you agree. So, adding to all the other unoriginal poser-comedy websites out there (failblog.org, stuff white people like, awkward family photos and texts from last night [to name a few]), we'll be pulling more nonsensical content from more places.

Like Twitter. Which, like every other knob-gobbling 'social media guru' or 'social media guru in training,' Wiki_Wha has impregnated as well. Welcome to the future.

#19 Google Analytics

Does it creep you out that the word 'analytics' contains the word 'anal' in it?  Well it sure creeps us out.

A few months ago we installed Google Analytics on Wiki-Wha? to see how many people actually visit this page after we realized that bullshit counter thingy isn't worth a bit of anything.  

It's fascinating to see how many people visit this blog.  It's also fascinating to see how much time people don't spend reading this blog, where the average visit lasts a whopping 23 seconds.  We aren't harping on people stopping by for quickies, don't get us wrong, but 23 seconds???  C'mon readers....this is some of the best free entertainment for miles (we realize there's no such thing as free, but we can dream), and, we're happy you stopped by to check things out - whether you meant to or not.

Either way, if you've got a website, blog or are just a plain geek, check out this Analytics program from Google (also free) and get psyched to see how many people don't visit your site.  Once you get everything set up and tracking on your page be sure to check out where people are visiting from - like, we've got visitors from Australia.  Now that's some neat stuff, mate!

#18 Synergy

Just like everything else in today's world, someone who felt they were brighter, smarter and technically superior to the rest of us (and had some working knowledge of the Greek language) had to come up with a fancy way of saying "let's work together."

Congratulations, buddy, you've accomplished basically nothing as the phrase "let's work together" was doing a perfect job of getting the point across before you came along with your fancy, uppity speak.  

Synergize this.

#17 Behold - Dickipedia

Your a dick, we're a dick....seems like today everyone is a dick, in some form or another.  

Ok - maybe that was a little harsh.  NOT.  

Richards?  Are you there???  Again, we digress.  Moving on!

We've all got a little bit of a dick inside us, and this wonderful off-shoot inspired by the mothership that is Wikipedia chronicles the who's who of dicks in the public sector, past and present alike.  You would think that it would be made obvious through the social media outlets, news and other, worthier blogs than this, who the societal dicks of today are; but it's great to be able to  see all of the biggest dicks out there in one place - Dickipedia.

Also, be sure to check out the "random page" link from the main menu for a Russian Roulette style of thumbing through the dicks.

#16 Spuds MacKenzie

In the late 80's, a time of sorrow and pain, a time with no class, no style, nothing. One little Bull Terrier was there to rescue us.

I give you the single greatest advertising bone (no pun intended) ever thrown to beer drinkers— Spuds Mackenzie.

This "happenin' dude" was first bequeathed upon us during a Super Bowl ad. By the end of the game, the little pooch was a marketing legend.

Alas, Spuds was not without his naysayer's. In 1992, the Center for Science in the Public Interest, along with Mothers Against Drunk Driving, charged that Anheuser-Busch was pitching the dog to children. However, the mighty Spuds rose again in victory as the Federal Trade Commision found no evidence to support that allegation. Unfortunately, the ads were dropped anyways.

Here's a little known and unfortunate fact, Spuds was actually a bitch.

I know. I know. I feel like less of a man as well.

Nonetheless, here's to Spuds. This Bud's on me.

#15 Waffle House

"Dude, let's get some Waffle House."

Have those words ever been spoken by an individual not under the spell of demon alcohol, or for that matter any "performance enhancer?"

I choose (read: hope) to believe they have not.

You see, Waffle House claims to be the world’s leading server of waffles, T-bone steaks, omelets, cheese 'n eggs, USDA Choice hamburgers, country ham, pork chops, grits, hashbrowns, cheesesteaks, patty melts, raisin toast, apple butter, and Heinz Traditional Steak Sauce. I think, for one, that the term "world's leader" should be inspected more thoroughly.

So, who wants to grab a T-Bone Steak from an establishment made "famous" for their waffles?

Give me a hangover, and I'll show you.

#14 Grinding

This ish is crazy. Remember when, like, back in high school and middle school and Catholic school, how grinding always got a bad rap? I know, so do we. With collaborative inspiration from our guest ideator, Crazy KC, we bring you some tips on how to make grinding less taboo:

First things first, grinding is like Fight Club - you don't talk about it. Keep in mind that many people may not be comfortable grinding with someone they do not know. If the person takes notice of you, and acknowledges you, approach them and ask if they'd like to dance. If that goes well, move in for the grind; and don't look back.

Also important to note is that the person dancing in the rear should not keep a cell phone or wallet in a front pocket – girls may get the wrong idea. Move your phone or wallet to your back pocket.

Guys may experience an erection while grinding. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, try these things:
- Bend your knees so that the bottom of your stomach is the area getting the most friction.
- Turn so that they are grinding your knee.
- If repositioning does not work, you may want to excuse yourself for a few minutes to let things settle down.
- If all else fails "pull up and tuck."

Inspiration for this WikiWha post has been pulled from the fodder found at WikiHow, a subsidiary site of Wikipedia.

Also, yes, that's our boy, Tom Cruise grinding on Katie Holmes.

#13 Garden Gnome Liberationists

Garden Gnome Liberationists (GGLs). Are you f@%$ing serious?

Apparently.

These "individuals" advocate the "freedom" of garden gnomes. Often times, GGLs will steal our beloved, friendly, bearded (see post #12 for more on facial hair) gnomes and move them to new locations.

Freedom? Bitch please. They're ceramic.

I guess we can all thank Travelocity for their creative advertising the next time one of our pointed-hat donning friends is plucked from his peaceful perch under the Bird Bath, next to the pink, plastic flamingo under the watchful eye of the Lawn Jockey, who just so happens to be admiring his bad self in the Mirrored Yard Globe.

#12 Facial Hair

So, what it be?  Five-O'clock shadow? Fumanchu?  Handlebars?  Pornstache?  Goatee?  Chops?  Flavor saver? Half-and-half?

Who cares.   All we know is that it happens.   And if it isn't managed, it can become downright unrully.

Here's a chart to figure out which facial hair-scaping might look best on you:

Our friends at Wikipedia say that males should have fully developed facial hair by their early 20s. Looks like I'm behind that curve.

#11 Euromotion

Zee sounds of zee Euromotion. It doesn't get much better. Euromotion is a Portland, OR-based, five-piece electro rock band. Skeeter, the band's lead vocalist, claims to come from the year 3012. According to the band's website: "Euromotion is the essence of dance...We play dance music and pump parties all across the space-time continuum. We want to make party at your house."

FKNA right they do! Just remember, zee dancefloor pays zee ultimate price.

Here's a look at their music video for 'Get Serious'....

#10 The Naked Mole Rat

Jesus.

The Naked Mole Rat. There it is. Anyone ever in doubt of the relevance of the statement a picture is worth a thousand words should take a look at this beast.

Fantastic Notes:

• The Naked Mole Rat is also known as a Sand Puppy.

• It is unique among mammals in that it is virtually cold blooded.

• When Naked Mole Rats are exposed to acid, they feel no pain due to the fact that they have no neurotransmitters in their outer skin.

• It slightly resembles a penis.
  

#9 Randomness

It's been a while since a Wiki-Wha post has been done. We were sitting around the table this morning, randomly, and had a collective random thought of, "how random would it be to post on Wiki-Wha today?" Pretty random, right?

According to our friends over at the mothership, "Randomness is a lack of order, purpose, cause, or predictability. A random process is a repeating process whose outcomes follow no describable deterministic pattern, but follow a probability distribution." Like roulette, where he ball can be used as a source of apparent randomness, because its behavior is very sensitive to the initial conditions. Word.

#8 Leap Day

There are some events that are so um, well, eventful that we humans can only handle the unbridled excitement of such event once every four years: The World Cup, The Olympics, The Presidential Election and you guessed it, Leap Day.

Leap Day is special. Special enough that in some countries it is tradition that, only in leap years, may women make a proposal of marriage to men. So special that the legendary Ja Rule has blessed the day with his birth. So special that we shouldn't be required to work.

So stick it to the man, close that spreadsheet, send that final email blast, shut down your Dell and fuck it dude, let's go bowling.

#7 Pomeranians

That yappy little bark, the pointed snout, the golden fluffy fur and that incessant tail wag. Ladies and gentleman--all the way from Germany, please give a warm round of applause to the Pomeranian.

...or a nice swift kick across the room.

Love 'em or hate 'em, like all lap dogs, that's about what it boils down to with the Pom, there's no in between. Whether your reading the next installment of the Babysitter's Club or watching your favorite episode of Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, you'll have a furry friend to joyfully play on your lap and give you the dreaded inner-ear lick.

The Pomeranian's not goin' anywhere soon folks, might as well enjoy the ride.

#6 Kool-Aid

Dane Cook said it best when Kool-Aid burst through the wall of his house and started screaming 'Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!' - "You're very top-heavy, Kool-Aid. One punch to the throat and I'll take you down."

With now over 110 flavors of this powdery drink mix available (throughout different parts of the world), your tastebuds can be satisfied by any color/flavor under the rainbow. Is there any other drink out there that comes in this many flavors? Would anyone care? W/E.

One thing Kool-Aid does have going for it is that the drink goes well with just about any type of food one might be in the mood for; especially fried chicken, rice and corn. True, Kool-Aid is the "poor man's" Gatorade, but according our friends at Wiki, any drink ending in 'ade' must contain actual fruit-juice. Again, W/E.

Cheers to you, Kool-Aid. OH YEAH!

#5 Tetris

The original Nintendo, Game Boys, Cell Phones, Ipods, TI-83's, and nearly all electronic devices with a liquid-crystal-display share one thing in common...

TETRIS

Alexey Pajitnov is frankly a god. As creator of the world's favorite puzzle-video game, he is responsible for entertaining us in math class, at the auto-mechanic, and even while sitting on our snack-food-covered couch at home with his colorful designs and witty interpretations of the Nutcracker soundtrack.

Outside of maybe Sputnik and Vodka, Tetris is the best thing to come out of Mother Russia and we have one man to thank for that, Alexey Pajitnov.

Thanks Alexey. If we ever meet up, the first round's on me.

#4 Snack Food

For some people, snacking is a fact of life - it's what they do. For others, it's unnecessary - they watch what they eat and eat when they have to, not when they want to. Snack Foods are found everywhere at the grocery store - tempting you with their colorful packaging, exciting illustrations and appetite-whetting names (i.e. Chex's 'Party Mix' - who doesn't want a party in their mouth?). It's important to note that there are healthier alternatives to calorie and sodium-loaded snacks - broccoli, carrots, apple slices - but what 9-year old wants to eat something that's actually good for him and isn't going to send him on a 4-hour sugar-high-rampage?

Granted, snacking is bound to happen, it's a fact of life; You're hungry, you want something to munch on, it's between meal times and you don't give a 'F' whether or not what you find and put in your mouth is actually good for you - instant gratification, and typically 'merican. The worst being when the person who may happen to be sharing a bed with you snacks on a crumbly snack food in the middle of the night leaving you to wake up in an itchy mess of their crumbs. Come on.